BevBlog

Here are a couple of things that always seem to make a summertime move go much easier:

1) Throwing out as much as possible, as far in advance as possible, and then doing so again.

2) Hiring movers.

3) Having lots of beverages around for said movers.

So here’s what we’ve been giving these guys. To keep them hydrated, lots of gallon jugs of Poland Spring water, the local Nestle Waters brand, and plenty of Blue Sky’s Blue Sport, a case of which arrived at the BevNET offices recently and has been largely untouched, as we hate to sweat.

But to keep the half-ton of movers charged up and moving, I’ve basically been using them as dispose-alls for a few of the random piles of energy drinks we’ve got lying around the office. What do they like best?

Well, they’re really throwing back Derby NRG. That’s surprising in that it’s a new brand that, by virtue of the fact that it comes in opaque black and silver Liter-sized bottles, seems largely aimed at the on-premise industry.

Of course, when you’re Carlos, a mover roughly the 125 percent of the size of David Ortiz, as one of our guys is, having a little slim can in your hand just doesn’t feel right. As a result, the dude has been happily chugging the Derby for the past 24 hours.

He told me this morning, as I ran in to work to resupply, “Bring back more of the black stuff.”

Carlos, if it gets that sleeper sofa off the third floor any faster, I’ll bring you all the black stuff you need. Meanwhile, as Monster, Rockstar, and BooKoo continue to increase their can sizes, I’ve got a suggestion for them: see if they can pass the mover test.

So Jose Canseco – Chemically Augmented Bash Brother, Head Butter of Fly Balls, Tamer of Madonna – has just let on that he’s launching an energy drink called “Juiced – The Drink.” Chances are that as I write this, Sports Illustrated is preparing a one-liner about how this product is one of its signs that Armageddon is upon us, but I see it a different way. I see it as a sign of just how much the consumer goods market has changed. It used to be that sticking a guy’s face or name on a drink or candy bar or cereal box made for instant success, but those times have gone the way of Barry Bonds’ dignity.

While our criticisms of formulaic, me-too products are well-known, we see the near sure-failure of Canseco’s product (if it even makes it to market, given the fact that Rockstar Energy already has its own Juiced on the shelves) as something of a boon. It’s refreshing to know the business has advanced to the point where there are research and advance planning requirements, and we think Jose will soon find himself hoisted on his own, artificially-enlarged petard. Not that we don’t pine for the fun, wild-and-woolly days when a new energy drink, or even a Reggie Bar, could hit the shelves at any moment and become a breakout hit, but anyone who is really thirsting for a can of Canseco should seek therapy, regardless.

And what’s the deal with all these disgraced jocks getting into the drinks business, anyway? We recently read that Steve Howe, the once-talented-but recently-deceased relief pitcher who snorted his way from Los Angeles to New York, had been working on an all-natural energy drink at the time of his fatal truck rollover. Considering the fact that the coroner’s report noted traces of methamphetamine in his bloodstream at the time of death, we can only assume Howe wasn’t just using energy drinks for get up and go.

Meanwhile, a trip to the National Association of Convenience Stores (NACS) Show last October showed us the Bill Romanowski, a former pro linebacker who last year sobbed his way through a 60 Minutes interview about his past steroid abuse and all around bad attitude, had taken on the role of spokesman for second-tier sports beverage Cytomax. Romanowski reportedly calls Cytomax his sports drink of choice – it’s especially good for washing down the entire contents of your doctor’s sample closet.

Of course, it’s not just jocks who are among the questionable spokespeople. We’ve also just gotten word that LaToya Jackson is endorsing Aussie malternative Star Ice. We think that as a singer, LaToya makes a great Penthouse model, and as a spokeswoman, she makes a great Penthouse model, as well.

The only thing all of these weird beverage/celeb connections have in common? A snowball’s chance in hell of making an impact on store shelves.

Every industry has its trademark and trade dress issues and the beverage industry is no exception. While the “knockoff” product has been a viable strategy in many categories, the energy drink category has taken things to a whole new level with knockoffs that create confusion and, in some cases, use an IDENTICAL name to an existing product. Here are just a few of the more interesting ones:

• Jose Canseco’s “Juiced” – The media is reporting that Jose Canseco is coming out with an energy drink called “Juiced”….Perhaps there is a part of this story that hasn’t become public yet, but “Juiced” is a name that is already being used in this category for Rockstar’s Juiced energy-juice hybrid product. You’d think that Canseco’s legal team — which must be pretty large given the accusations that he’s slinging around — would have figured this out. Just because you have a book doesn’t mean you have rights to the name in the beverage industry.
• Two Pit Bulls – As far as the US market is concerned, the first Pit Bull was introduced by Hip Hop Beverage out of California. Then, a Florida based company imported its own Pit Bull from Europe. Just because you have rights in one country, doesn’t meant that you have rights in the US. Eventually the Florida based company changed its product name to “Spike”. Pit Bull of California is still around, but appears to be struggling, while we have no idea what became of Spike.
• Tornado – A company in Texas puts out a product called Tornado Energy Drink…Unfortunately, another company had filed a trademark application first, despite not having an actual product to market. The result? Both parties wasted time and money that they could have spent trying to bring products to market. Neither product is, as far as we know, on the market today. Apparently, the name “Tornado” wasn’t the juggernaut that the trademark application holder thought…

The point of this is pretty simple. First, doing some basic homework (including having a simple trademark knockout search performed) will save a lot of time and money. Perhaps it would have / will save some of these companies from going under. Second, there is no name in this category that will guarantee success and, therefore, it’s simply not worth spending money to fight over one. Take a look at Red Bull, for example. It’s not a strong storm or a vicious dog and the name itself is really has no meaning. Yet, the proof is in the pudding….Just look at their sales numbers. Red Bull has done a phenomenal job creating a powerful brand and mastering the distribution of its product. Aspiring companies should take note.