So, upon seeing the introduction of Coke Zero about two years ago, I was struck by the possibility that Coke might be trying to introduce a diet product aimed not just at men, but at gay men.

The product seemed to have the qualities that gay men might want — not as completely femme as Diet Coke, but still calorie-friendly enough to win adherents in what is a more fitness-oriented community than the hetero mainstream.

And then, during a meet, taste, and greet on the floor of the FMI Show — much to the surprise of Coke spokesman Scott Williamson (or silent Scottie, as we’ve come to call him) and his faithful companion-in-flackery Debbie Wetherhead — I threw that possibility out there. They both did double-takes. Such targeted marketing practices never enter the mind of the folks down in Atlanta! Coke — and all Coke products, except for TaB energy, which is pretty much pink — are all beloved by everyone, regardless of demographic niche.

Turns out, they were at least part right — about Zero, which Coke hadn’t launched with the gay community in mind.

Apparently, that’s because Diet Coke really does well there, already, and the Coke top brass had plans to do even better, according to this excellent story by the Commercial Closet’s Michael Wilkie.

According to Wilkie, the Diet Coke sponsorship of the Oscars was at least partly because the company was targeting the gay community — and it was an attempt to catch up to Diet Pepsi, which is actually one of the top brands in terms of targeted ad spending and recognition in that group.

Which means that Coke Zero is, indeed, aimed at straight guys. If there are any left who aren’t drinking Gatorade.

THURSDAY, MARCH 29: FAMOUS SOFT DRINK GOES ON SALE

Profile America — Thursday, March 29th. One of the most successful brand names of all time got its start on this day in 1886. That’s when Atlanta pharmacist John Pemberton brewed up the first batch of Coca-Cola designed as a hangover cure. The product went on sale at Jacob’s Pharmacy a few months later and sold an average of nine servings a day. The drink was billed as a tonic, and until 1905, contained extracts of cocaine as well as the caffeine rich kola nut. Today, the firm sells some 400 brands of soft drinks and other beverages in over 200 countries around the world. Americans drink an average of over 52 gallons of carbonated soft drinks a year, along with 23 gallons of bottled water and 25 gallons of coffee.

Don’t look now, but bottled water’s bubble might burst.

At least among some of those same high-end restaurants that made it trendy to drink the stuff in the first place.

That’s what the San Francisco Chronicle reported this week. It’s pretty interesting — although not if you’re selling water for a living.

The real group who’s most likely to be hurt by this? Restaurant service staff, who love the extra gratuity boost brought on by a few rounds of San Pellegrino.

According to various sources on the web, Coca-Cola’s 2007 edition of “Kosher for Passover Coke” (aka KP Coke) has started showing up in stores this week. (Not a Coke Drinker? Check out KP Pepsi or Dr. Brown’s)

For those of you who are not familiar with KP Coke, the concept is simple: it’s Coke sweetened with sugar, in cans and bottles with “OU-P” or “Kosher L’Pesach” printed in Hebrew on a yellow cap. It’s only available during March and April in areas with high Jewish populations, such as New York, Los Angeles, Miami and Boston.

Why is there interest in such a product? Consumers (myself included) prefer the taste of CSDs that are made with sugar as opposed to high fructose corn syrup. The flavor is cleaner and more crisp, and you don’t have that lingering syrupy coating to your mouth. Translation: it actually makes drinking a Coca-Cola enjoyable.

Of course, Coca-Cola needs to keep tight control over such a superior product. For if the mainstream consumer had regular access to Coke with sugar, well, they might not want to consume the regular old HFCS based Coke. And since the CSD market is in such a terrific state right now, that would be a bad bad thing if consumers had the desire to purchase a sugar sweetened version of Coke as opposed to, well, ceasing consumption of CSDs

In all seriousness though, this now annual PR “incident” is a reminder to Coke: consumers want to drink better products. Kosher Coke has been flagged as a premium product – and it didn’t take advertising, focus groups, etc. Instead of churning through flavor after flavor of cola line extensions, go with what is staring you right in the face every spring: cane sugar Coca-Cola. Sooner or later Coke WILL have to give this a try…why not now?

More Discussion:
http://www.bevnet.com/bevboard/bevboard-general/25525-passover-coke-2007-a.html

Some doctor in Boca has diagnosed Britney Spears as suffering from schizophrenia brought on by drinking too much Red Bull. He goes on to associate all energy drink use by teens as a signifier of the potential for schizophrenic behavior.

Let’s call this what it is: irresponsible.

It’s irresponsible on the part of the Boca Raton News, which published a one-source story by a publicity-hungry doctor without balancing it at all with even a simple caffeine content comparison.

But it’s even more irresponsible on the part of the doctor, Dr. James Cocores, who is throwing parents who are already terrified about the behavior of their teens — what parent isn’t? — and telling them that Red Bull is the source of that erratic behavior. Tell you what, Doc, find me a time in history when teenagers and Pop Stars haven’t behaved erratically, and we can talk. Otherwise, you should know better than to offer parents the chance to lay all their guilt, fear, concern and tough love at the feet of a product that’s basically a heavily sugared cup of coffee.

If your kid drinks a million Red Bulls a day, chances are he’s got other problems, too. Just like Britney.

I hate to be the Coke basher – I usually leave that to Craven – but this was just too much of a coincidence to let him feast on it.

There have been two major pieces of news released in the past couple of days concerning the beverage industry, and it’s an interesting contrast that needs to be explored here. First, the New York Times took the healthy soda story – you know what we’re talking about; Diet Coke with Vitamins, Diet Pepsi Max, etc. — and ran with it, dropping it onto the front page (below the fold, though….) The story featured this baldly ostentatious assertion/unbelievable money quote! from Coke’s CEO, E. Neville Isdell:

“Diet and light brands are actually health and wellness brands.”

as well as the usual analysis from Tom Pirko (“Coke is full of it.”), John Sicher (“Coke is full of it.”) and consumer advocate Michael Jacobson from CSPI (“Coke is full of it, but hey, for once, vitamins! By the way, have you gotten our lawsuit of the week yet?”).

(Quick note to the NY Times: it’s not that these guys aren’t good and quotable. They are. But come on. Freshen up that Rolodex. Give us a ring – we’re always here, and we’re damned handsome.)

Now, let’s fold this madness into another report, from Sicher himself (see, we agree, the dude is good, but – with all do respect, mon ami, – we’re MUCH prettier), who released numbers that indicate that last year’s decline in soda sales wasn’t a blip but is likely a trend, and might be a snowball – the drop went from .65 percent to 1.5 percent – and Morgan Stanley’s Bill Pecoriello is predicting another doubling of the decrease in 2007.

What’s grabbing the share, and what’s going to keep on eating the lunch of the sodas? Health and Wellness brands: enhanced waters, teas, sports drinks, even energy drinks, which have their own physiologically-oriented functionality.

Look, Neville – can I call you “Neville?” what about “E?” – you guys can’t have it both ways. Diet Coke was one of the most successful brand extensions in history, but it was big for what it wasn’t (fattening, like the original) rather than for what it was (fizzy liquid with artificial sweeteners). And pouring a little vitamin fortification into the stuff isn’t going to turn things around, because it’s not building on the core strength of Diet Coke. You think John Daly (solely responsible for at least one percent of Coke’s operating budget) drinks Diet Coke ‘cause it’s healthy?

Now that we’ve cleared that up, we still have the problem of what to do about CSD’s, because they’re still basically the heart of the American economy, the blood pumping through Uncle Sam, etc. And here, I think, we’ve got to accept some reality. (Ahem, that hasn’t been our strong suit lately.)

The reality is this: We love soda, we’ll always have a place for it, but it’s on the decline. We think it’s a treat, and while it’s a really yummy treat, we’re finally listening to our parents (or Michael Jacobson) and we’re drinking less of it. Neville, face it, you’re not going to bring us back just by putting the same vitamins that we get from cereal into a can of Coke. You’re going in the wrong direction.

So let’s market it as a treat. Let’s get used to Coke being number two, or number three, and try to shore things up that way, rather than claiming we’ve unlocked the fountain of youth. Let’s concentrate on our core business before the snowball turns into an avalanche.

Think about Nero, another CEO of a major corporation, of sorts. Sure, he fiddled while Rome burned, but he didn’t say, something like “burned houses are excellent in the summer,” or “hey, nothing like a convertible chariot!” Some people like fiddling. Fibbing, not so much.