I don’t care if it’s a day old. It’s still really funny. Courtesy of AllAboutJazz.com.

Pepsi Claims Jazz, Issues Cease and Desist

Published: April 1, 2008

By Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius

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PepsiCo, the world’s second largest soft drink company, has claimed trademark protection on the word “Jazz” and has issued cease and desist orders to anyone currently using the word other than in reference to their diet cola product of that name. Pepsi Jazz has been on the market since 2006, while the word “j—” goes back to around 1915, but PepsiCo was able to exploit a loophole in the burgeoning field of ridiculous intellectual property claims. “No one had trademarked the word,” said Pepsi spokesbastard Phil Clabbard, “so we took the opportunity to secure our brand property. We feel this will eliminate confusion that may be usurping our brand integrity and product recognition. From now on, when anyone says ‘Jazz,’ everyone will know they mean ‘Pepsi Jazz.’”

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Not all rock stars like Rockstar, according to a recent AP report.

According to the story — which quickly got out onto the interwebs — Former Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker has sued the the Rockstar energy drink company, claiming it wrongfully posting a photo of him holding a can of Rockstar on its Web site.

The mohawked, heavily tattooed Barker, made claims of invasion of privacy, unfair competition, and misappropriating his likeness to promote the product in his suit.

The lawsuit said the Rockstar website published a photo of Barker “holding a can of one of Rockstar’s beverages, and identifying him and his endorsement by name” without his consent, according to the AP.

A search of the Rockstar website found no reference to Barker; he and his wife, former Miss USA Shanna Moakler, were recently photographed celebrating that company’s sponsorship of the X-Games, but we didn’t see that on the site, either.

But then again, so was this guy, and he ain’t suing.

The eyes of the world turn to Iowa today, and if any of those eyes belong to Red Bull distributors, chances are they won’t be contributing to the presidential campaign of one candidate, former Senator John Edwards.

Edwards, a former 12-pack-a-campaign trail-day Diet Coke drinker, gave up caffeine after the 2004 election. Perhaps that’s not the best idea if you’re planning on pushing through an uninterrupted 36-hour “marathon for the middle class” at the close of the Iowa Caucus campaign, as Edwards did, but maybe it makes it all the more admirable.

Or, if you’re in the energy drink camp, it might make it all the more foolish. Watch this video from an Edwards press bus visit and you’ll see that the sleep-deprived-but-chipper candidate pulls no punches when it comes to his favorite — and least favorite — beverages.

“Red Bull? That stuff’s nasty,” he told the reporters, who had attempted to offer him some.

This is fantastic. Courtesy of WTAE TV in Pittsburgh. Remember — shelf space is one thing, but a broken nose is another.

INDIANA COUNTY, Pa. — Pepsi or Coke? The battle continues.State police in Indiana, Pa., are investigation after a Pepsi employee allegedly assaulted a Coca-Cola employee while making a delivery at a Wal-Mart in White Township on Oct. 1.According to police, Robert Koscho, 48, of Ebensburg, and the Pepsi employee, who has not been identified, were bickering back and forth while making their deliveries at the Oakland Avenue store.

As Koscho left the store, police said, the Pepsi employee called him over and punched him three times in the face, breaking Koscho’s nose and giving him a black eye. A Coca-Cola representative told WTAE Channel 4 Action News that the fight started over shelf space in the aisles of the store. Shelf position is very important to companies that sell their products at Wal-Mart, according to a former store manager who spoke with Channel 4 Action News.At this time, police continue to investigate the incident.

A new survey being marketed by consumer trend watchers the NPD group has uncovered the sad little secret of energy drinks — the biggest use isn’t for snowboarding across flaming ski slopes while playing video games and humping everything in our path. It’s for getting enough focus to re-enter the cube and finish up our daily drudgery.

According to the survey, 36 percent of energy drink purchases are work-related; more than travel, school, mealtime and sporting evens combined.

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DaVido is a scary fellow. He’s a singer with a love song, some cameras, and a yen for Starbucks. Not the coffee, but a music contract. And his determination led to rejection for him, and almost cost me a pink slip, to boot.

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Word from British tech bloggers is that Coke is developing a bottling and vending machine technology for Sprite bottles — and eventually Coke, Diet Coke, etc. — that will freeze some of the liquid into cubes inside the bottle when the cap opens.

Initial attention is focused on the fact that the drinks won’t be diluted by water. Forget that! Attention should be focused on the fact that doing that would be really, really, really neat. Why give it to the Brits first, though? Isn’t the right to be really neat what we fought the American Revolution for?

We watch a lot of baseball around here, and one of the things we’ve noticed lately is that when players get back to the dugout and pull what are definitely water bottles (i.e. like poland spring) out of the big round cooler, they seem to be filled with something that isn’t, well, water-colored, but is, in fact, orange.

Having heard that different athletic trainers have, on occasion (read: almost always) substituted other products for Gatorade in things like NBA locker rooms, we wondered what that orange liquid might be.
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… by way of Austria. This is a really neat looking web site for a product called drinkme with a really neat looking can, and we can’t wait to try it. It’s worth noting here that the site features neither a) scantily clad women (unless the little alien is a lady) or b) mixed martial arts combatants. This makes it even more appealing. If you find some, sent it!

In can if any of these nutty Mainers can help it!