Last week, U.S. Rep. Mary Bono-Mack – while standing next to a representative from the Betty Ford Clinic – urged Gola to pull his product from the market.

She also called him a “scumbag.”

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These two may want to consider a career change. They’re not only going to jail, but they’re also worse at beverage filching than their predecessors.

Get the full story here.

Dr. Thomas E. Muller and Dr. Toshiyasu Sakakura say it could be possible to cull carbon dioxide from smoke stacks and use it as a base chemical for the polycarbonate plastics used to make bottles and DVDs.

That could lead to cheaper, safer and greener products compared to current PET bottles, the researchers said. But you have to wonder, do you really want your beverages packaged in industrial waste? More importantly, how many times could you buy water in one of these and sing “Smoke on the Water” before it would stop being funny?

For more info, read the full article here.

Pepsi Claims Jazz, Issues Cease and Desist

Published: April 1, 2008

By Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius

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PepsiCo, the world’s second largest soft drink company, has claimed trademark protection on the word “Jazz” and has issued cease and desist orders to anyone currently using the word other than in reference to their diet cola product of that name. Pepsi Jazz has been on the market since 2006, while the word “j—” goes back to around 1915, but PepsiCo was able to exploit a loophole in the burgeoning field of ridiculous intellectual property claims. “No one had trademarked the word,” said Pepsi spokesbastard Phil Clabbard, “so we took the opportunity to secure our brand property. We feel this will eliminate confusion that may be usurping our brand integrity and product recognition. From now on, when anyone says ‘Jazz,’ everyone will know they mean ‘Pepsi Jazz.’”

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In a clear, Taco Bell-like stunt, the resilient number-three soda player announced that they would give a free can of Dr. Pepper to everyone in America if Axl releases the 17-year-in-the-making album sometime – anytime – during 2008.

The beverage company exempted estranged guitarists Slash and Bucketthead from the offer, and framed the promotion as encouraging Axl to release the album in a time when it is badly needed due to the current wash of wanabee singers and movies about high school musicals.

That’s exactly how Axl reacted to the promotion – publicly, at least.

Axl released a statement last week saying that he was surprised and happy about Dr. Pepper’s support and, as the album features performances by Buckethead, Axl would share his free beverage with the guitarist.

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Neither have we, but nobody consulted us before the Mojo network decided to make “Bobby G: Adventure Capitalist.”

The first episode, available online, shows Bobby G and his company at an annual meeting. Prepare for the excitement of power point presentations and stock footage. Okay, so there’s some rock climbing in there as well, but this show might as well be one giant press release for BG Capital Group.

There’s a section in the middle that might be of interest to beverage industry professionals. The team works on powdered beverages, and has a brief discussion about how to deal with flavor houses. The rest of the show, however, consists of Genovese and his followers patting him on the back.

Unless you like watching corporate promotional videos, you’d probably have a better time watching reruns of “CSI: Miami.”

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Ayatollah Sheikh Qasim Attayi issued a fatwa calling for all Muslims to cease consuming, selling or importing the cooler case staples.

Despite what it might look like, this isn’t a new strain of anti-Americanism. Though Pepsi and Coke are fantastic symbols of U.S. consumerism, Attayi called for the Fatwa after a study allegedly confirmed that Pepsin – a key ingredient in both drinks – is extracted from pig intestines.

While the idea of pig-intestine extract in our beverage might make most of us queasy, it’s downright forbidden for Muslims to consume pig products. Hence, fatwa.