The International Bottled Water Association borrowed a stunt from the exciting world of CSPAN this week, issuing a skin-tingling slide show to make you feel better about consuming bottled water.

The 18-slide presentation, entitled “The Real Facts About Bottled Water,” revisits familiar arguments in support of the industry – it’s convenient, the bottles are fully recyclable and the product is calorie-free – and packages them all together in one place.

But, if the slide show doesn’t calm your eco-conscience sufficiently, you could buy the AquaSafeStraw, a new personal, water-filtration tube that charitably resembles a kazoo.

The bottled water wars: where the excitement never spots.

For those of you thinking about stocking up, don’t get too excited. At 0.13 micrograms per can, you’d have to drink enough Red Bull Cola to fill a small tanker truck before feeling anything that resembled a drug-like effect.
 

And that’s if the substance found in the cola is even capable of inducing a high. Fritz Soergel, the head of the Institute for Biomedical and Pharmaceutical Research in the city of Nuremberg, told TIME that the discovered substance isn’t even cocaine itself, just a degradation of the original chemical that has no effect on the human body.
 

A German Red Bull spokesman insisted that there is no scientific basis for the ban, and noted that the products have been labeled as safe in the U.S. and Europe.
 

But we may now have to wonder: if Red Bull Cola picks up a strong following with the late-night club crowd, is it due to marketing or its “special” ingredient.

It’s not the third gunman on the grassy knoll, but this week’s dispute over a yellowed ledger with a formula marked “D Pepper Pepsin Bitters” may leave us with a mystery that can, sadly, only be resolved by opening a vault that’s likely to remain shut.

Both the Oklahoma man that found the ledger and his auction house claim that the recipe represents an early variation of Dr Pepper. The document dates back to around 1880 to 1890 they said (Dr Pepper debuted in 1885), and came from the pharmacy where Dr Pepper was first served.

Despite that evidence, The Dr Pepper Snapple Group says it isn’t the recipe for its flagship beverage.“Heck, it isn’t even a recipe for a soft drink,” the company said in a statement Monday.

But that didn’t quiet the auction house.

“Dr Pepper Snapple Group never claims that the ledger book from The Corner Drug Store in Waco… isn’t the original formula,” said Greg Rohan, president of the Heritage Auction Galleries, “just that it’s not the current one.”

It’s worth noting that the ledger lists 13 ingredients, while Dr Pepper famously includes 23 flavors.

Of course, the only way to clear up whether or not this “bitters” recipe has anything to do with Dr Pepper would be to gain access to the current formula. According to DPSG, that isn’t going to happen.

“Dr Pepper’s 23-flavor blend is safely under lock and key in an undisclosed location,” the company said. “The room is under 24-hour video surveillance and only one person in the world has access to this room. Only three members of the Dr Pepper family know the formula, and they aren’t talking.”

This is the water bottle of the future.

For now, at least.

PepsiCo’s light-weighted bottle for its Aquafina brand weighs in at half that of its 2002 predecessor, and PepsiCo boasts that the new package will save 75 million pounds of plastic per year. It’s not easy to check Pepsi’s math, but it is easy to see that the new package will save energy – and maybe the brand’s image.

Bottled water has been under assault recently, as environmentalists seethe about the energy used to deliver something that flows from every faucet in the U.S. One study pegs the energy required to deliver a bottle of water at 2000 that of tap water, and, where the environmentalists have left off, cash-strapped politicians have picked up. Florida governor Charlie Crist has floated a number of ideas for using bottled water revenues to help fill the state’s budget gap, and New York’s proposed “Bigger Better Bottle Bill,” which would extend a soda-based deposit to include bottled water, has been gaining momentum.

With those forces (and falling sales growth) in mind, bottled water brands have employed a tool belt of marketing tricks to deflect bad press. Some invested in carbon neutrality or water awareness campaigns, and many have invested in light-weight bottles. Water giant Nestle recently submitted testimony to the Connecticut legislature (which extended its bottle bill to include water) saying that it has reduced the plastic in its bottles by 40 percent over the last 15 years, and plans to reduce its plastic content further in 2009.

Which makes Aquafina’s entry the next step in a continuing trend. The Eco-Fina bottle weighs in at 10.9 grams, 15 percent less than the bottles Nestlé uses for its regional labels such as Poland Spring, and 0.1 grams less than Nestlé’s Pure Life bottles.

Still, it won’t be long before another brand introduces an even lighter bottle. Nestlé said it’s already planning one. Sure enough, we’ll see just how small that one crushes up, too. And then the Pepsis and Cokes of the world will have to find a way to carve out even more PET from their shells.

It’s like a race. Bottled water brands are increasing the crushability of their bottles while trying to outrun the outside forces that threaten to crush the category.

For more on the challenges facing bottled water (and how some companies are meeting them) see the cover story in the March issue of Beverage Spectrum Magazine.

The Arnell Group’s design has been lampooned as resembling a fat man with a T-shirt riding up his belly, and a “plumber’s crack” as well, but a 27 page .pdf of the agency’s logic recently surfaced through social media site reddit and raised even stranger comparisons.

The document, dated Aug. 4, 2008, takes a historical look at the Pepsi logo and art in general. Art history seems like a stretch in the context of a corporate logo, but we’re with Arnell this far. The group follows up with an interesting examination of the Pepsi logo and the golden ratio. Still with them.

Then, BAM! The Pepsi logo has a magnetic field. Complete with a cross section of the earth showing its various layers, Arnell sets up a direct comparison between magnetic dynamics on the Earth and “smile” variations on the new Pepsi logo. No joke.

Then it gets involved in bendy logic even more: the report suggests that a proper Pepsi display should alter a shopper’s path like the sun’s gravitational field bends light. Let’s leave at the soda jerk the fact that shoppers move at a rate just a wee bit slower than light, (some 670 million miles per hour vs. the shopper’s typical 1 mile per hour pace) and focus on the fact that they’ve created a parallel by which – if you complete the logic – shoppers that get too close to the Pepsi display will be burned to atoms.

The crazy continues with a comparison between an exponentially expanding universe, and a cluster of differently-smiled Pepsi logos in an atom diagram-like arrangement.

And don’t even ask us what this is.

Maybe Arnell should have kept this under wraps. At this point, saying the logo was meant to invoke a jolly fat man may be a more palatable explanation than… than… whatever this is.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced that Frutarom’s North Bergen, N.J.-based plant has been processing a particular kind of seed that emits a maple syrup-like aroma, and that scent has periodically drifted across the Hudson River to Manhattan.

Certainly, the industry could do worse to the world. And at least it’s better than the usual scent that comes from New Jersey. Then again, anything is better than the reek of medical waste and spray-on tan.

Jon Auspitz, president of Wham Food and Beverage Company, said his company buys food and beverage products nearing their expiration dates at fire-sale prices, and then sells them to charities or discount stores.

“Basically, when they have nowhere to turn, when they were going to have to pay to destroy their product, they have us pay them for the product and get it out of their place and fill a hungry belly somewhere,” Auspitz said.

He only deals with large orders, he said – at least a truckload – and in the current economy, his company has performed well.

“Our customer base has grown,” Auspitz said. “If anything, the challenge can be supply.”

But, he said, that’s not true with energy drinks. There’s almost more supply than he can deal with – and not just from small startups that shutter their offices.

“There’s more energy out there than anyone can handle,” he said. “I don’t have to tell you how many brands there are. It’s crazy.”

For business reasons, Auspitz declined to name any of the beverage companies that he works with, but said some of the big energy drinks brands “just have way too much [product.]”

“We’re talking hundreds of thousands of cases,” he said.

While the energy drink market continues to grow – up 13.5 percent September 2008 according to Information Resources Inc. – that growth has slowed significantly. IRI reported that the category expanded at more than double that rate – 34.4 percent – in the 12 months ending on July 15, 2007.

While those numbers and Auspitz’s experience suggest that energy drink firms haven’t calibrated their production to match moderating demand, he offered advice to companies that suddenly find themselves with more product than they know what to do with.

“Really, what you should do is go exhaust any avenues you have, and if you can’t move it, give us a call back,” he said. “You have to do the best you can for yourself. With us, you will lose.”

Looking for a real estate deal? Talk to Rockstar Energy – or at least its CEO, Russell Weiner.

Maybe it’s due to the flagging housing market. Maybe it’s due to the distribution deal Rockstar distributor Coca-Cola signed with Monster, but, either way, Weiner is selling his California home for the low, low discount price of just under $3 million.

Okay, you’re probably not going to find that kind of change by returning soda cans, but the Los Angeles Times reports that that price tag for the elevator-equipped 4,414-square-foot home just above the Sunset Strip fell by $2 million.

Interesting that his “must sell” price appeared only weeks after Coca-Cola announced its deal with Monster, but Weiner’s misfortune could be your gain.

If you’re the lucky millionaire bidder, you’ll get four bedrooms, four bathrooms, city views, a roof deck, a bridge to a pool and three fireplaces. If you’re real lucky, maybe Weiner will even throw in a palate of Rockstar.

More than 1500 fans turned out to meet the eight-time gold medal winner, but the story here is that Phelps signed on to promote a relatively small brand instead of a category standard-bearer like Gatorade.

Phelps has already appeared in a number of promotions not typical of Olympians – like Frosted Flakes, AT&T Wireless internet connection cards and Rosetta Stone language learning software. Phelps said he personally used Rosetta Stone to learn Chinese prior to the Beijing Olympics, and said in PureSport’s promotional material that he trained for his epic run using PureSport products.

“I signed on with HPL PureSport because their drinks taste great and they work,” Phelps said. “PureSport helps me with my workouts and performance and allows me to recover without soreness; it’s legal and clean.”

The Austin American-Statesman reported in August that Phelps did train using the product, developed at the University of Texas. The paper ran the article under the headline “Move over, Gatorade: UT’s mix joins the league of sports drinks,” and that title might be more appropriate than editors in Austin realized. As long as Phelps’ star power lasts, the PureSport could become a lot more prominent in the near future.

This one may just right the economy. Or kill Dr Pepper. Or Both.

Axl Rose finally set a date – November 23 – for the release of his 17-year-in-the-making album Chinese Democracy. His managers said that they’d launch the album with a monumental promotion campaign. Maybe the combination of promotional money hitting record stores and hard rock nostalgia on Wall Street will be enough to return the economy to the tech-boom state that accompanied the release of Guns N’ Roses’ The Spaghetti Incident in 1993, but if that’s not enough, Dr Pepper is there to help.

The Dr Pepper Snapple Group pledged in March to give a free Dr Pepper to everybody in America if Rose released the album anytime this year. The company probably calculated the chances of Chinese Democracy arriving on record store shelves in 2008 to be vanishingly low – like when Taco Bell in 2001 promised free tacos if the Mir space station crashed into a floating 40’ by 40’ target in the South Pacific – but now it looks like the perennially-delayed work will make it to the (17-year older) rock n’ roll public next month.

In response to the shocking announcement, DPSG has done what it can to simultaneously promote its brand, reduce the promise’s cost to the company and hedge against Rose missing his release date. Again.

To receive your free Dr Pepper, visit drpepper.com and register for a free Dr Pepper coupon. The window will only be open for 24 hours, and the coupons will take 4-6 weeks to arrive – which is a long time to wait for a soda, but, then again, we’ve waited 17 years for a rock album.

These days, beverages from teas to juices boast about their antioxidant levels. It’s the new “in” thing – like wearing two different colors of Converse sneakers when America had a Punky Brewster sense of style – but at least one company took it took too far, according to the National Advertising Division of the Council of Better Business Bureaus.

The NAD investigated Bossa Nova’s advertising claims that their product contains the more antioxidants than anybody else, and suggested that the juice company not make such claims in the future. The fancy charts they use in their promotions show that acai is the highest antioxidant fruit. The NAD didn’t dispute that claim, but said the juxtaposition with Bossa Nova’s packaging “could be reasonable interpreted to be representative of the antioxidants of the advertised product when that is not the case.”

Bossa Nova said they disagreed – that their claims are supported – but agreed to take the NAD’s findings into account for future advertising and packaging.

Does this boil down to a case of self-regulatory finger-wagging? Or should beverage marketers take head for fear that federal regulators could come next?

In any event, we could have used the NAD’s advice when we all wore mismatched sneakers.

He’s bottled blocks of ice.

You read that right. Blocks of ice. Mr. Wilt is doing the same thing you’ve done in the past – sticking a bottle of water in the freezer ahead of a hot day – but on a large scale.

Under the name Fria Frozen Water, Wilt has gotten his product into 12 stores, and is working on more, according to the Arizona Star. Wilt says he’s slowly (glacially?) gaining a following, but knows he’ll have to shift gears when the winter comes.

At that point, he will introduce his first line extension: un-frozen bottled water.

Somehow, I think this might get an icy reception.

Read more here.

Reuters reported that a Thai Pepsi distributor beat Coke to the punch by setting up promotional tents at Worapoj Phetkum’s home. Coca-Cola’s Thai agents countered by cutting a deal with the boxer’s father, Thaweep. Thaweep declared that both companies can stay, as long as they behave.

“If they make problems, both will have to leave,” Thaweep told Reuters.

In other words, he wants a good, clean fight.

Japan Tobacco Inc. introduced a new drink in Japan called “Unagi Nobori,” or, “Surging Eel.” While animal names are common for beverages, this one takes its moniker more literally than Red Bull or Venom.

Unagi Nobori contains extracts from the head and bones of the serpentine fish. If that’s not enough, the drink is formulated to taste like the slithery sea-beast.

The Japanese believe that consuming eel boosts stamina in hot weather. I believe that drinking an eel flavored beverage would boost my lunch out of my gut.

The company markets a humane mouse trap called “Catch a Mouse.” Customers attach an empty bottle to the mechanism and wait for the little critters to find their way in. Once in, they can’t get out, and you have yourself a mouse in a bottle.

From there you can release the critter a safe distance from your home, or dispose of the pest without need to touch it directly.

Or, you could stick it in the fridge and see how people react. But you shouldn’t do that. And if you do, you shouldn’t tell anyone where you got the idea.

But, then again, I’d met people in college who believed they were vampires – despite making it to daytime classes without turning to a pile of ash. These people would probably go for Tru Blood, and their four flavors – O, A, B and AB – would give them a little variety in their bizarre hobby.

But, as it turns out, the “product” is a piece of viral marketing to promote HBO’s new vampire show, “True Blood.”

Great. It seemed like a bad beverage idea anyway. Where are you going to go for flavor extensions? And what about line extensions? Would they produce the other three humors?

Mmm, Tru Yellow Bile.

The company said most of those stores opened in the last two years, and the process will also mean the termination of 12,000 employees. But that doesn’t mean that beverage industry professionals should weep in their lattes.

While the company once helped build Jones Soda, its cooler has more recently featured Starbucks-branded products or products out of the Pepsi system. The closures also likely won’t affect Starbucks’ RTD business.

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Dark Dog has a U.S. presence that’s about as strong as beer in Utah. While Red Bull has steadily lost market share to Monster over the past few years, it’s hard to imagine its Europe-based competitor would be able to make much of a move on it. Unless there are darker forces at work! We haven’t heard word that Dark Dog hired a witch doctor, but we can’t be sure. If anyone sees black swirling clouds over either Red Bull or Dark Dog’s HQ, let us know. And don’t make them mad.

Asimov and his tasting panel evaluated 25 root beers available to New York residents, and – amid light-hearted writing that seemed to poke fun at the writer’s own seriousness – managed to find some wisdom on the world of root beer.

Root beer comes in many varieties from many sources, Asimov wrote, not unlike craft beers. There is no definitive root beer formula, leaving root beer makers the room to experiment with different flavor profiles.

The article included the panel’s top ten brands, with grocery staple IBC and Wisconsin brand Sprecher taking the top two slots. Asimov and the tasters also took the time to compose short audio presentations on six of the top root brews.

Click here to see the article.