The Prince of Beverages: Carnac the Bevnificent

@@img1THE PRINCE OF BEVERAGES
By Greg W. Prince

“Canada Dry.”
Canada Dry.
“Describe Canada after Paris Hilton visits for the weekend.”

“Welch’s, a trapezoid and Ashlee Simpson’s worst nightmare.”
Welch’s, a trapezoid and Ashlee Simpson’s worst nightmare.
“Name a grape, a shape and a tape.”

“Red Bull.”
Red Bull.
“What did Pete Rose write in his autobiography?”

“A can of Jolt, the San Andreas Fault and Arnold Schwarzenegger.”
A can of Jolt, the San Andreas Fault and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
“Name three things that still give Gray Davis the shakes.”

“Diet Squirt.”
Diet Squirt.
“What might you suggest to an overweight squirt?”

“It’s the cola.”
It’s the cola.
“What’s Scott Peterson’s latest alibi?”

“Cranberry, Melon Berry and Kiwi Strawberry.”
Cranberry, Melon Berry and Kiwi Strawberry.
“Name the three berries who are glad they passed on ‘Catwoman.'”

“C2.”
C2.
“What do you get when there’s a half-price sale on C4?”

“Schweppes Bitter Lemon.”
Schweppes Bitter Lemon.
“Describe Schweppes Lemon after Schweppes didn’t invite it to Schweppes’ New Year’s Eve party.”

“A shot and a beer.”
A shot and a beer.
How did the Bush daughters stay warm during their father’s inauguration speech?

“Dr Pepper, Dr. Brown’s and Dr Thunder.”
Dr Pepper, Dr. Brown’s and Dr Thunder.
“Name the only three doctors your HMO will let you see.”

“Here’s looking at you.”
Here’s looking at you.
“Recite the first four words of the Patriot Act.”

“Stewart’s Root Beer”
Stewart’s Root Beer.
“What’s going flat in Martha Stewart’s refrigerator while she’s in prison?”

“A Big Gulp.”
A Big Gulp.
“What kind of gulp does Yao Ming take?”

“Crystal Pepsi, 7 UP Gold and Weapons of Mass Destruction.”
Crystal Pepsi, 7 UP Gold and Weapons of Mass Destruction.
“Name three things that are impossible to find.”

Greg W. Prince (prince@bevnet.com) has covered the beverage business as a reporter and editor for more than 15 years.